It's been a while, but I'm back and gaining - again. I know I've told this before, but this time it will be for good. I feel I've finally gotten over that social pressure bullshit that too long prevented me from being and becoming the (fat) person I really feel I am.
When I was gaining last time, I managed to get as high as 200 lbs (91 kg's), but then - well, let's call it "The Last Big Doubt" happened when one of my friends (at the time) kinda "brainwashed" me to start fitness program - and as result, I lost all the weight I managed to gain and went back to 149 lbs (68 kg's). While everybody congratulated me for such a drastic makeover, I never really got into it properly - how could I? Every now and then I still visited various gaining sites and wished I could become fat again. But when I got into that mess, it was very hard to try to step out of it - we went to same gym occasionally, were at same job and his attitude towards fat people was typical "ha-ha-ha, look at that blob" style. He's the kind of person, that is easy to be friends with at first and later, when you know for longer while, person you can't stand at all. And I - well, I don't want to give my whole history here, but I've had very hard times in the past. Times that left me with almost non-existent self-esteem and overloaded self-conciousness, not to speak of that my social circles were very small. After that, you don't just push friends away no matter what kind of assholes they really are - and because of that, you become just a joke in return.
But well, times have changed - I've had time to deal with those past issues during this year and "friend" moved on to new challenges - after that our communications have faded, more or less intentionally from both sides. At the same time I've finally managed to strengthen my self-esteem to the point that I rather am alone than with the people that demands me to mold my self to fit in with. Either you accept the new fattening me or fuck off, it's as simple as that. I want to be fat, I've always wanted to get fat so fat will I get - otherwise I just keep on running a circle.
So, let the challenge begin.
Start: 149 lbs (68 kg's)
Now: 159 lbs (72 kg's)
1st milestone: 220 lbs (100 kg's)